I was just sitting here remembering when I used to have the thought of love in my head. What it would be like when I really found someone who will truly love all of the kind of being, I am now you maybe wonder what that means so here it go. I'm very out-spoken and I love traveling being with family and friends going out just hanging listening to good music and dancing all nite. I love cuddling on the sofa to a good romances movie, not to leave out action, martial art and most favorite comedy and scary. Back to why I'm writing this remembering post cause I haven't found this person or man that for full this thought in my head on how love is suppose to be. I want to be able for my husband or man to go anywhere with me without the jealousy, low-self esteem, insecure and me being question on why you be on your phone or computer so much. I want to just feel special not just on holidays or birthday or when your around friends just to show out but behind closes door we are in separate room and can't even sit in the same room without having a conversation unless its about animals, or someone in jail or die topics I clearly not interested in. Before I got involve in this down slope relationship I use to travel every weekend and write poetry hang out with friends and just live. Now go to work and home and if I do decide to go hang with friends I get called the whole time I'm outside this house. Now you asking why I haven't left I'm looking for another home and the place I've come across is not up to my living quarters. I don't want another apt. So I'm struck unhappy until I move away from this boring relationship I never wanted for a man to ever move in with me until I was ready to get married and this no where close. You see he is all the things I didn't want in a man I should have went with my second choose but in the beginning he did trip, hung out and acted like he was family oriented nothing close to these qualities I was looking for I've asked several times for him to leave but in his head since he have been paying the mortgage on this home which is in my grandmother and my name he don't have to go anywhere. So I told him to take it out our names or pay home off and I would put all my things in storage and stay in a hotel until I find something close to my job. This is just a reminder to never ever put myself in this situation again. Thanks for reading and giving any inputs maybe helpful